The First Time
by Penguin Chicky
Summary: My Smutalthon entry at LJ ... be aware there is smut in here! M for a reason. Sara has a secret to tell Grissom will he be able to help her with it? Thanks to CSIBuckeye for being the most amazing beta ever!


This was my smutathon entry at Live Journal ... sorry I didn't post it earlier ... I was going though some documents today and remembered where I put it. Anyway this is real smut so if you are offended turn away now!

A huge thanks to CSIBuckeye for being my amazing beta on this ... she is one in a million!

--

Looking at her battered copy of The Forbidden Love Sara smiled knowing she had something in common with the heroine in the badly written manuscript

"_The heat between Matilda's legs was intense and before she knew it Professor Johnston had sheathed himself inside her. "I can feel how tight you are my dear," he said looking down at the young woman's face._

_Smiling back Matilda sighed as he gently thrust __in and out of her throbbing sex, "I have a feeling your theory on quantum physics isn't the only thing I'll learn from you this year Professor." _

Sniggering slightly at the badly written romance novel _The Forbidden Love,_ Sara resisted the urge to throw it across the room. Reading the passage again, when the older professor and the virginal student made love for the first time, she knew that maybe they didn't have all that much in common after all. From the moment she saw Grissom at a lecture on entomology she had fantasized that he would ask her to stay after class and make love to her on his desk. FF hhh Now that the years had passed she was terrified that her inexperience would ruin the pleasure she had anticipated.

With the knowledge that she could never say it out loud, she had every reason to be reserved when people started to talk about sex. Catherine, Warwick, Nick even Greg would boast about their many conquests, but when it came time for her turn, she would simply tense up. She didn't want to act like a prude, but she didn't want to lie either. The truth be told, with only two disastrous near attempts, Sara Sidle, CSI extraordinaire … was a virgin.

She knew after she told Grissom the story about Ken Fuller and the mile high club, he would think she was sexually adventurous, but she had made up the story simply to make herself feel better. It wasn't a complete lie, Ken was the guy she tried to sleep with one night in college when they were drunk, but before anything could happen he passed out. Her inexperience never worried her when Grissom was simply a fantasy but that had all changed a few weeks ago.

About to head home one morning after a tough case he asked her to breakfast. Thinking that he was just being nice, Sara was on cloud nine when he later invited her to dinner at The Venetian complete with a romantic gondola ride while the sun set. That weekend he took her to a theme park and circus where they had fun re-acquainting themselves after months of ignoring each other. Tomorrow he was making her dinner at his townhouse and she knew she was close to getting everything she'd ever wanted. And yet she felt slightly sick to her stomach, consumed with the fear that she would be a disappointment. Strange that after all she and Grissom had gone through, it was she who didn't know what to do about this.

--

Driving to his town house she could feel her heart race and by the time she knocked on his door she had to concentrate just to breathe. She wanted to tell Grissom her secret but did not want to simply blurt it out, and had no idea how to bring it up tactfully. Taking things slowly she thought about writing a letter but had decided to see where things went tonight before putting pen to paper. After Grissom answered the door Sara accepted a glass of wine and admired his butterfly collection while he finished preparing dinner.

She could not help but blush when he pulled out her chair and saw she was seated comfortably before serving dinner. Happy to mix conversation between mouthfuls she was conscious of his attentiveness throughout the meal and with her nerves taking flight she managed to clean her plate. "Wow Grissom, that was amazing and I'm impressed you remembered about me being a vegetarian," Sara said after they finished the lasagna he had prepared.

Pouring more wine into their glasses Grissom smiled at Sara, "I would never forget something so important," knowing that after he'd finally made the first move he did not want to screw things up. "Let's go into the other room," he said standing up and going over to dim the lights. Aware of the excess adrenaline pumping through his system he knew this was the flight or fight sensation taking over his body. Watching to make sure she was comfortable he sat down and, in an effort to slow his heart rate, he tried to concentrate on what she was saying about a documentary she had seen that afternoon. But he found himself focused on Sara's lips, which unfortunately had the opposite effect and he reached up to brush the sweat away from his forehead.

Feeling the blood rush to her ears she could hear her heart racing as he leaned forward. She smelled his unique scent and started to feel light headed so she quietly took shallow breaths trying to gain some control. Sara licked her lips before she moved her hands down to her legs and rubbed them slowly desperate to stop them from shaking.

Close enough to smell her shampoo he slowly opened his lips and leaned forward to press against hers. Kissing her tenderly before he lightly brushed his tongue over her mouth he smiled as it opened slightly. Making use of her new position after kissing her again he lightly sucked her lower lip tasting a combination of the wine and strawberry lip balm. Feeling his arousal slowly building he moved his thick hands to pull Sara's body closer to him. Their knees pushed together Grissom rested his hands on her cheeks fascinated by her smooth skin under his palms.

Her eyes closed as heat rushed between her thighs and she felt her body being lifted up as he placed his hands against her waist. Hearing the thump, thump of her heart she caught her breath as she felt his tongue slide into her mouth. She stopped momentarily, overwhelmed with the realization that her fantasy was coming true. Remember to breath she told herself as she brushed her tongue against his as he became acquainted with her mouth.

Pulling away slowly Grissom gently placed his forehead against hers to allow them to regain their breath. "You are amazing," he said a few moments later kissing her right cheek. Now able to identify a combination of wild flowers and coconut he inched his face down to the base of her neck breathing her in along the way.

Sighing deeply as she felt his lips against her neck Sara groaned as the heat between her legs became almost unbearable and she longed for him to touch her and to feel his hands caress the curves of her body.

Aware of her moan Grissom took this as a sign to press forward so he slowly moved his hands between her knees feeling the warmth radiate onto his hands. Unable to hide his smile he softly moved his hands up her legs and started to rub his thumb and index finger against her panties. He heard Sara moan again from the back of her throat and he whispered in her ear, "You're so wet for me."

Sara's heart beat went into overdrive. He was moving so fast and although she wanted to get lost in him she was terrified she wouldn't know what to do next. Quickly pulling away Sara spoke, "Um, I have to go Griss, thanks for dinner," she said while looking for her bag and refusing to look him in the eye.

Willing his body back under his control he felt his mind start racing as she walked towards the door. "Sara please tell me what I've done wrong," he called as the adrenaline pumped through him. His hands sweeping through his hair in frustration he watched as Sara leaped into her car and drove away. Concerned that he had overstepped in some way he walked back inside slowly, terrified he had finally pushed her away for good.

Driving home, Sara managed to keep back the overwhelming sobs that threatened to take over her body. Once inside, she dropped onto the floor finally allowing her emotions to bubble up as her body shook with heartache. It was quickly replaced by anger though and she had the sudden urge to slap herself so she could feel physical pain instead of the uncertainty and inexperience that remained buried beneath her surface.

--

At work the following week, Sara looked around for Grissom and smiled, happy that he was out on an existing case. Given her assignment from Catherine she heard the name Lady Heather and instantly froze. "I was visiting my friend Susan a few days ago and you will never guess who I saw walk inside The Dominion," she said hoping the mention of Lady Heather would cause Sara to spill the beans about a possible relationship with Grissom. Catherine knew the couple had a shared a past but after seeing them together the weekend before at an amusement park she was certain they had begun a relationship. When she saw no crack in Sara's demeanor she decided to keep up her experiment, "It was Grissom, so I guess we know that rumor is true," she said, anxious to see the younger woman's reaction.

Breathe in and out, Sara told herself before she shrugged her shoulders as she headed towards the door, "Why would I care what Grissom does in his spare time?"

She had heard the rumors about Grissom and Lady Heather and had a sneaking suspicion that he had slept with the sensual dominatrix. She guessed that he had been turned off by her own obvious inexperience and was now going to move on with someone who knew how to please him, and she most certainly did not. Willing herself to keep her emotions at bay while she was at work Sara felt a dull ache in her heart as she realized that she had lost any chance with the man she had loved since college, the only man she would ever love.

In the trace lab, she was making a mental note to buy herself a cat, when she saw him staring at her. Terrified her face was bright red; Sara knew she would soon have to find a new job, since she could no longer look him in the eye. Walking back out slowly in an effort to delay the inevitable, she grimaced when she heard him call out. "Sara, can I talk to you in my office, please?"

She marched slowly to his office as a solider would to their final battle, carrying a heavy heart. Reaching the door she willed her tears to stay away as she prepared to have everything she had lived for shattered into a million pieces. Seated in his office, concentrating on his beard, so she could avoid his eyes she heard Grissom sigh.

"Sara, what is going on? Since you left my apartment a week ago, you won't take my calls, is it something I've done … or said?" He tried to search her eyes as she looked away from him. The past week had been a nightmare, he was unable to sleep or eat and he was desperate to have her back. After the time they'd spent together Grissom was angry with himself, all too aware of the pain he caused her over the years.

Shaking her head, she stared at the ceiling, knowing that neither hopes nor dreams would stop her tears from coming. She knew he needed an explanation but was terrified that he would never look at her the same again after her confession. But she decided to tell the truth and deal with her situation head on. "You know that story about Ken Fuller well … I never really had sex with him and certainly not in an aircraft bathroom." Now unable to keep the tears at bay she whimpered, "I made up that story to make myself feel better. But you want to know the truth, here it is," taking a huge breath, she let it out before running out of the room so she could grieve her loss alone.

Grissom could hear the words "That's right, Grissom, I'm a virgin. Now you and Lady Heather can have a great laugh at my expense." He leaned back in his chair, eyes wide with surprise. Sara Sidle was a virgin? His Sara Sidle who was veracious, attractive, and could have any man she wanted? But the not wanting to talk about past sexual experiences, not throwing herself at him sexually, and making a big effort, so everyone knew she didn't want children, that all kind of clicked now. Shaking his head, Grissom frowned suddenly realizing that maybe her time in foster care also involved sexual abuse. Terrified that he had caused the one woman he loved terrible pain his only hope was that he could repair whatever damage he had caused.

After a quick search of the lab he found her in the locker room. Securing the lock on the door he pulled her into a hug. "I would never laugh at you, and I have never had a relationship with Heather," he managed to say, happy to feel her loosen up in his embrace.

Still not able to look at him, she continued with the hug, but started to cry. "I didn't know what to do, but I know I want you," she managed, feeling totally secure in his arms.

"Whatever happens now," he said making her look him in the eye, " it will be on your terms."

Moving her head in for a kiss, she then rested her head against his chest while she snaked her hands around his middle. Feeling a huge weight lift off her shoulders, she was happy in the knowledge that her tombstone would no longer read _Sara Sidle, cat lady._

--

After talking through all of her fears with Grissom and explaining her feelings surrounding men and intimacy, they allowed their relationship to continue on its natural course, happy wherever it took them.

Making the final touches to her makeup Sara admired the outfit she had selected for dinner at his townhouse. With him arranging the night off for them both Sara was giddy with anticipation and unable to sleep for more than a few hours that afternoon. Unable to stop her smile Sara felt a rush of excitement flood her body as she picked up a bottle of wine and headed out the door.

Sara looked down at her plate as she pushed the food in circles aware that the anxiety in her stomach was doing the same. Unable to eat anymore Sara placed her knife and fork down before she reached over for her wine glass, happy that the alcohol was taking aware some of her nerves.

Smiling as he reached over for her plate, he noticed she had only picked at the meal as well, both obviously aware of what was on the menu for dessert. He gave the plates a quick rinse under the tap, happy to have something to focus on before making the next step. After he dried his hands Grissom walked over to Sara and rubbed her shoulders. "Would you like to watch a movie or maybe a documentary," he suggested.

She shook her head, "no, I have a better idea," before she guided him towards his bedroom, the butterflies in her stomach making her body shake with excitement and anticipation.

With Grissom dimming the lights, she sat on the edge of his bed and licked her lips as he walked over to join her. "Remember Sara if you're feeling uncomfortable just say stop. We have all the time in the world."

Pressing her lips to his for a gentle kiss, she was the first to slip her tongue in, as she sucked on his lower lip. Feeling more adventurous, Sara started to remove his jacket, as he continued to kiss her deeply. Giddy with a little wine and a million things she'd never felt before, she happily raised her arms allowing him to pull off her dress.

"You're gorgeous," he said taking a moment to drink in her body.

Smiling when his breath passed over her ear as he went to her neck, Sara felt dizzy, thinking it was all amazing so far and they had only kissed. The feel of his mouth teasing her neck distracted her and she took a shallow breath after he removed her bra.

After kissing and licking the area between her breasts, he then made his way over to one of her nipples and lovingly sucked it into his mouth. Feeling his arousal building as he tasted her milky flesh he then turned his attention to her other nipple. He was in the middle of licking and teasing the bud, when she pulled him up for another kiss.

She shuddered when she felt his arousal against her leg, instinctively opening herself up for him. She had to pull away from the kiss to get some air and looked deep into his blue eyes answering his unspoken question by pressing herself against him.

Released from her mouth, Grissom quickly kissed his way down her stomach and smiled, as she unconsciously lifted her hips off the bed so he could remove her panties. He wanted her to feel as much desire as possible, so after kissing her opening and breathing in her delicious smell, he worked his way down to her knees.

After feeling his mouth so close to her heat, Sara didn't know what to do with her hands, first tangling them in the sheets before reaching up for the headboard, as he kissed his way up her inner thighs.

Paying attention to both legs, he looked up and saw the longing in her eyes pleading with him to touch her. He kissed and licked his way inside her, careful to suck and tease her clit, as he tasted her juice.

Her skin was on fire and she felt the sweat glistening over her forehead. She watched as he continued the pressure alternating between his mouth and hand and she could not resist moving her hands down to his head so she could press him against her aching sex.

Happy to use his wet, warm mouth he continued to suck, lick and kiss her clit, while he used his fingers to thrust into her opening. Pulling his head back slightly he grabbed her hands and pinned them to her stomach as he used his thumb to rub her swollen nub while flicking his tongue inside. She moaned as she squirmed under his touch moaning as he thrust his fingers into her.

She wrapped her legs around his neck as she felt her first orgasm wash over her unable to stop her hips grinding up to prolong the pleasure. Her head dropped back as she called out his name allowing the waves of pleasure to wash over her body.

And as the aftershocks flowed through her and her breathing eased a desire deep within her grew steadily. She ached to touch him, to have him inside her, to let him feel as much pleasure as she had.

He then positioned himself over her and leaned down for another kiss feeling his tongue battle with hers both wanting to taste each other. Feeling her hands as they moved down his stomach, he groaned as he watched her stroke his arousal. He couldn't tear his eyes away if he tried and he was unable to keep himself from thrusting into her hands. Sara Sidle was stroking his erection, and it was the sexiest thing he had ever seen.

Able to taste herself on his tongue, Sara opened her eyes and looked down as she saw him for the first time. Shocked at his size, she was concerned that he would not be able to fit, but after he gently slid inside, she breathed in feeling a fullness she had never experienced before.

He watched her closely to see if she was okay as he pulled himself out and gently started thrusting. Having thrust a couple of times while watching Sara experience the new sensation, he marveled at how her inner walls gripped and milked him. His buried his head in her neck nipping the sensitive skin there as he lost himself in the feel of her tight warm walls.

After the first few thrusts she arched up into him, desperate to feel him fill her completely. Allowing the moment to overtake her senses she arched up to meet him before she brought her legs up and wrapped them around his middle, pulling him in even deeper.

He quickened his pace but tried to keep his thrusts steady so he did not hurt her. When her eyes slid closed, he watched the ecstasy pass over her beautiful face and he hoped his body showed her what he yearned to say.

Feeling him inside her, Sara started panting as another orgasm built within her and stars blossomed behind her eyes. Thrusting up to meet him she heard him grunting into her neck and she dug her nails into his back as she clenched around him whispering his name over and over as she felt the warmth at her core erupt through her body into every nerve ending.

The feeling her tightening around him and the sound of his name falling from her lips was all it took. He came inside her, calling her name each time he thrust until his voice was lost and his body floated away on a cloud of ecstasy. Grissom placed most of his weight on his arms before he closed his eyes and tried to regain his breath.

She closed her eyes, breathing heavily feeling him all around her after her second orgasm. Completely overwhelmed as the new sensations pulsed through her body Sara knew her fantasy had not even come close to the reality.

Coming back to her, he looked into her face, "Honey are you okay, did I hurt you?" he asked concerned that he had been too enthusiastic.

Shaking her head Sara smiled, reaching up to kiss Grissom before she spoke, "That was amazing, I can't believe what I've been missing all these years."

Smiling back he gently removed himself from her before pulling her onto his chest and wrapping his arms around her. "You deserved happiness and passion a long time ago, I'm sorry you had to wait so long."

Unable to stop smiling she snuggled into him as her eyelids became heavy, "I'm sorry it took so long for us to get here, but you were worth the wait."


End file.
